Wednesday, 8 June 2016

CBT - Giving it a Go

So two weeks ago I started CBT (Cognitive, Behavioural Therapy) to try to fix the anxiety I've had for the past 12 or so years. I've always 'coped' with it, but it just puts a dampener on many things and I feel like it's actually gotten worse over the past few years. I don't want to end up a nervous wreck. There is so much to do and see in this world and I really want to enjoy it all.

Today was my second session (couldn't make last weeks due to my university exam).

The lady is really lovely, she puts me at ease. I know how to fix the anxieties, or the bulk of it at least, as a lot of my is coming from avoidance behaviours I've acquired over the years. The solution? Stop avoiding these things.
However, if it was that simple, I wouldn't be going for the CBT. I was a little sceptical at first as my thoughts were 'If I won't listen to myself, why am I more likely to listen to you?'. But I feel a lot better about it after this second session. I have small milestones to try and reach and I need to keep an 'anxiety diary' so she can get a better idea of where to focus.

We discussed Negative Automatic Thoughts (NATs) - the way that your brain automatically flies to the worst possible scenario - and she said we will work on trying to get rid of these. That we will never totally have none, as everybody thinks like this at some point, but aiming for a lot less, and working on how to deal with the NATs that do pop into my head.

Hopefully this is the right track. I actually don't want to do this. I just want to be 'normal'. To not have these anxieties in the first place. But...that ship has sailed! So I really have to try hard with this and hope it will be for the best.

Tuesday, 7 June 2016

Well - what happened then?!

So I disappeared from my blog for, what seems to be, four years. FOUR YEARS?! That's a really long time! It really doesn't seem that long.

So to all my, non-existent, followers, I offer my apologies.

In that time - I've mainly been studying to be quite honest. I'm studying for a mathematics degree part time, and I just completed year 5 last week. It's pretty time consuming alongside working full time as well. I may have mentioned that before as I did start it in 2011.

So, on my 'to-do now I'm not studying for the summer' list I have, to mention a few:
  • Start to learn a new language. I was looking at Korean (having recently gotten listening to the band Big Bang), but a few of my students are wanting to learn Japanese so I think I'll plump for that instead. It sure looks interesting and I hope to find some resources which suit everyone.
  • Update my Harry Potter fanfiction. You can read it here: Two Letters - Fanfiction but I've been lazing off and as I've managed to get nearly 200 followers, I really have to update soon.
  • Learn to play the banjo. Okay, I bought this last year because I thought it would be cool to learn. However, I can't find a teacher! So I need to teach myself, and it's another thing which has gone on the backburner this year.
  • Relax. I'd really like to just sit and read a book. Something I've not read before. However, I just don't feel in the mood to try something new. I went to the USA over Easter and I bought the Sophie Kinsella -Shopaholic to the Rescue (I think it was this one) in the airport in case I found myself with book-reading time (I didn't). I love these books, but I never read Shopaholic to the Stars as it had pretty poor reviews, and I didn't want to ruin the series with it. But I really should read it and form my own opinion.
  • Spend time researching the family tree. I bought my Dad an ancestry subscription for his birthday and we've been having fun researching. It's very addictive!
  • Ideally get a start on next years maths modules ('Graphs and Networking' and 'Applications of Probability' or something like that!). But I say this every summer. And don't!
  • I also need to follow up on commitments I've made this year. I fundraised for a new wheelchair for a girl I know who suffers from cerebral palsy. (She lives in an institution in another country). I raised the money, but still haven't sorted the chair out and I feel so bad about that, as I know she is so excited about it. I did go into the shop the other day and get the ball rolling though, so hopefully over the next few weeks we'll be sorted for that. I've offered to help fundraise for something else too and really must get started.
I know this list isn't even exhaustive.

I have a terrible habit of sitting down when I get home, and not getting things done. In work I keep a to do list on my notepad, and it really helps keep me focussed. I am thinking of doing the same at home to see if it helps me keep on top of things.

Anyway, now I've treated you like a diary, I'm off!

But I will try to get back on track here too.

Maybe I should add my blog to the list above!